(資料圖)

　　只要是英語(yǔ)的我們多多積累就可以了。就給大家分享一下英語(yǔ)的笑話學(xué)習(xí)一下吧

　　你活不成了

　　Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.

　　一個(gè)人得了重病，妻子伴隨他去看醫(yī)生。檢查過(guò)后，醫(yī)生示意病人的妻子到走廊見(jiàn)他。

　　"Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don"t complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.“

　　你丈夫病得很重，”醫(yī)生說(shuō)，“但有三件事可保住他的性命。第一，一日三餐，要營(yíng)養(yǎng)美味。第二，給他一個(gè)輕松的環(huán)境，不要抱怨。第三，每天都對(duì)他傾注熾熱的愛(ài)。”

　　On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"

　　在驅(qū)車回家的路上，丈夫問(wèn)道：“醫(yī)生說(shuō)了什么?”

　　"I"m sorry, " she said, "but you"re not going to make it.“

　　很遺憾，“你活不成了。”

　　他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到

　　Working at the post office, I"m used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What"s the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We"ve been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband"s new hearing aid."

　　我在郵局上班，對(duì)于顧客們的各種情緒早已習(xí)以為常了。所以，有一天當(dāng)一個(gè)生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來(lái)到我的工作臺(tái)時(shí)，我還是非常平靜地問(wèn)她，“有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說(shuō)，“我回到家的時(shí)候，我看到一個(gè)卡片，卡片說(shuō)郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒(méi)人在家。可是我的丈夫整個(gè)早上都在家啊。他說(shuō)他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問(wèn)。“我丈夫的新助聽(tīng)器”。

　　我要出去

　　A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang." What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

　　在凌晨?jī)牲c(diǎn)，酒吧店主鎖了店門，回家睡覺(jué)。他剛躺下幾分鐘，這時(shí)電話響了。“你早上幾點(diǎn)營(yíng)業(yè)?”他聽(tīng)到一位明顯已醉醺醺的男子的聲音。

　　The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner shouted ,"there"s no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn"t let a person in your condition in-"

　　店主非常氣憤，砰地一聲掛上電話又上床去睡。幾分鐘后又有一個(gè)電話，他聽(tīng)到還是那個(gè)聲音問(wèn)同樣的問(wèn)題。“聽(tīng)著，”店主嚷道，“不要問(wèn)我什么時(shí)候營(yíng)業(yè)，因?yàn)槲也粫?huì)讓你這種人進(jìn)----”

　　"I don"t want to get in," the caller interjected. "I want to get out“

　　我不是想進(jìn)來(lái)，”那人打斷他的話，“我要出去。”